The OJ Trial as Told by The Cat in the Hat

I did not kill my lovely wife.
I did not slash her with a knife.
I did not bonk her in the head.
I did not know that she was dead.

I stayed at home that fateful night.
I took a cab, then took a flight.
The bag I had was just for me.
It's my bag! My bag! Leave it be!

When I came home I had a gash.
My hand was gashed from broken glass.
I cut my hand upon a glass.
A broken glass did cause that gash.

My friend, he took me for a ride.
All through L.A., from side to side.
From North to South, we took a ride.
But from the cops, I could not hide.

And now we've been here for a year.
A year! A year! Just sitting here!
The DNA, the hem the haw.
The circus-hype the viewers saw.
A year! A year! Just sitting here!
The lawyers' bills I truly fear.

If I'm convicted, I'll appeal.
Appeal! Appeal! I will appeal!
I'll wheedle, whine, and cut a deal!
But I won't go to jail for real!

DID YOU DO THIS AWFUL CRIME?
DID YOU DO IT ANYTIME?

I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not anytime.

DID YOU TAKE THIS PERSON'S LIFE?
DID YOU DO IT WITH A KNIFE?

I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not, kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not, anytime.

DID YOU LEAVE A POOL OF BLOOD?
DID YOU DROP THIS BLOODY GLOVE?

I did not leave a pool of blood.
I cannot even wear that glove.
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not, kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not, anytime.

I did not do it, so I say
It's not my blood or DNA.
No way!  No way!  No way, I say,
That cannot be my DNA.
The blood, the glove, the passport too
Were planted by the men in blue.
The note I left was just a fake.
This all has been a big mistake.